


Space Australians

by fairycat



Category: Gabby Duran & The Unsittables (TV)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Some Spanish, discussion of menstruation, humans are space australians, humans are space oddities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:00:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25718455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairycat/pseuds/fairycat
Summary: Principal Swift and Jeremy have questions for Gabby, Wesley, and Olivia. Inspired by all those “humans are space Australians/orcs/oddities/fae” on Tumblr.
Relationships: Gabby Duran & Jeremy (Gabby Duran), Gabby Duran & Principal Swift, Olivia Duran & Jeremy (Gabby Duran), Wesley (Gabby Duran) & Jeremy (Gabby Duran), Wesley (Gabby Duran) & Principal Swift
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Space Australians

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the Spanish is correct.

Gabby was not concerned when she was called to the principal’s office. Principal Swift probably needed to talk to her about an alien babysitting assignment.

She was surprised, then, to find she was not the only student sitting before Principal Swift’s desk.

“Hi, Gabby!” Jackson exclaimed. Next to him, Emma hushed him.

“Now that you are all here,” Principal Swift began as Gabby sat down, “I have to ask: why on all the planets in the universe did you three decide to try to climb up onto the roof of the school?”

The three students were silent for a few seconds. Eventually, Jackson said, “I wanted to see if I could.”

Principal Swift leaned over the desk (which was easy for him, given his height) to hear Jackson better. “To see if you could what?” he asked. “Explore the school building?”

“I mean, I guess,” Jackson said with a shrug.

“But the school is not an unexplored territory,” the principal said. “I could have provided you with a map of the school grounds.”

“But that’s not the same!” Emma pointed out. “It’s not the same as being there. We wanna be there.”

“There is no clear, solid path to the roof,” Principal Swift said. “In order to ‘be there,’ you would have had to have scaled the school walls, and security told me you three did. Security also told me such activity is dangerous for young humans.”

“We’ll survive it,” Gabby said.

“It still upsets your parents when you get hurt, doesn’t it?” The principal looked at each student in turn, his gaze stopping on Gabby.

“Yeah . . .” the students admitted.

“What is the great attraction to ‘being there,’ anyway?” asked Principal Swift.

“It’s fun,” said Jackson.

“Yeah, so we can say we did it,” Emma added.

“It’s a human thing,” Gabby said with a knowing smile. “We like doing risky things just because we said we could.”

“For the bragging rights!” Jackson exclaimed. “Haven’t you ever done anything for the bragging rights, Principal Swift?”

“This isn’t about me right now,” Principal Swift said. “I understand you were not intending harm or trouble, but the truth of the matter is you still put yourselves in danger . . .”

* * *

One afternoon, Wesley had brought a snack with him to Principal Swift’s house.

“Wesley,” Jeremy asked, “what are you drinking? Can I have some?”

“Milk and no,” Wesley said.

Principal Swift looked up in surprise. “I thought a human your age would have stopped drinking its mother’s milk.”

Wesley choked on his drink. “Principal Swift, please, no! It’s not from my mom! It’s from a cow!”

“Yeah, Swift, that’s why milk cartons have pictures of cows on them,” said Jeremy.

“So you’re drinking milk from a mother cow?” Principal Swift asked.

“Yes.”

“Why would you do that? You are not a cow.”

Wesley looked at his milk, shrugged, and took a sip. “It tastes good. Plus, it’s got calcium, which is good for your bones.”

“So can I have some?” Jeremy asked again.

“Still no, buddy,” said Wesley.

* * *

Gabby was in the library trying to study for her science test when Principal Swift rushed in.

“Gabby,” he hissed as he crash-landed on the other side of the table, “I have just learned that a female human’s menarche often begins in middle school. Have you reached menarche?”

Gabby looked up from her notes. “Have I reached what?”

“Menarche!” the principal repeated. “The onset of menstrual cycles!”

“Swift, you can’t just ask me that!”

“Shh,” someone shushed from behind a bookcase.

“But Gabby, it is of the utmost importance that I know this information,” Principal Swift pressed. “A few of the families looking for a babysitter are extremely sensitive to the smell of blood, and it would not be a good idea for you to babysit such an alien child during menstruation.”

Gabby did not respond. She had folded her arms and placed her head on the table to hide her face.

Principal Swift leaned down. “Gabby, are you all right? Are you unavailable to babysit this week for this reason?”

Gabby peeked out from behind her arm. She said something into her sweater sleeve.

“Gabby, I did not understand that.”

Gabby sighed, rolled her eyes, and lifted her head. Her face was flushed. “Can you just . . . tell me when there’s a family like that, and if I’m . . . um . . . if I can’t do it, can I just tell you to ask Wesley?”

Principal Swift smiled. “Of course! A brilliant solution, Gabby! Wesley is a male human, so he would never experience menstrual cycles, correct?”

“Could you please stop saying that word?” Gabby put her head back down.

The librarian approached the principal just then. “Principal Swift, I know you care about the students, but maybe you should leave them alone when they’re trying to study.”

* * *

Gabby’s phone rang. She picked it up. “Hi, mom! . . . What? No! Mooom! ¡No fue yo! ¡No sabía que esa cosa estaba allá!”

Principal Swift and Jeremy exchanged glances.

“It’s totally possible it was Olivia! Or maybe it was one of the kids I babysit!” Gabby fell silent for a few seconds. “Sí, sí, mamá. Sí, yo puede. Sí, lo haré. . . . Te quiero también, mom. Bye.”

She hung up, looked up, and saw the Gor-Mons staring at her. “Uh . . . what’s up?”

“We didn’t understand half of what you were saying,” said Jeremy.

Gabby shook her head. “It’s all right. I was speaking English and Spanish with my mom. I guess you don’t know Spanish?”

“On what planet do they speak Spanish?” asked Principal Swift.

“. . . This one?”

“But you already speak English on Earth!” Swift pressed.

“There are lots of languages, Swifty,” Gabby said.

“Well, yes, but never on one planet!” Swift said, flabbergasted.

“Wait. Doesn’t Gor-Monia have a bunch of languages?” Gabby asked.

“No,” said Jeremy. “Everyone speaks the same language.”

Gabby thought about the times her little sister fretted about languages dying out. “Did there use to be other languages?”

“I don’t think so,” Jeremy said. “Isn’t it hard to have lots of languages?”

Gabby shrugged. “I don’t mind it. I think it’s cool. Some people don’t, though. Some people have scolded my mom for speaking Spanish in this country, even though this country doesn’t have an official language.”

“If this country doesn’t have an official language,” said Principal Swift, “then I suppose I could just speak Gor-Mon in public with Jeremy. Then again, human vocal cavities cannot produce all the phonemes necessary to speak Gor-Mon. We shall have to practice shapeshifting just our throats.”

* * *

Olivia walked through the door and called out, “Hey, Mom! Guess what happened at school today!”

There was no response. The kitchen was empty except for the blue blob monster at the kitchen island.

“Oh, hey, Jeremy,” Olivia said on her way to the stairs.

“Hi, Olivia,” Jeremy replied. “What happened at school today?”

“My tooth fell out.” Olivia opened her mouth and pointed to a tooth-sized gap between two teeth.

“Baller! Can I eat it?”

“Ew, no!” Olivia exclaimed. “My mom still thinks I believe in the tooth fairy, so I’m gonna put the tooth under my pillow tonight.”

“What’s the tooth fairy?” Jeremy asked.

“It’s a pretend creature that parents tell their kids about so their kids won’t get upset when they lose their teeth,” Olivia explained.

“Wait, how often do humans lose their teeth?” asked Jeremy.

“We have twenty baby teeth, and then we lose them, and grownup teeth grow in their place.”

“Okay,” Jeremy said. “That sounds fake but okay.”

“It’s not fake!” Olivia got up in Jeremy’s gelatinous face and pointed to her mouth. “Look, Jeremy! There’s an entire tooth there, gone! And see here? Here’s a tooth growing in, ‘cuz I already lost the tooth that was there. And here’s a tooth that isn’t even loose yet! And—”

“Okay, I get it!” Jeremy shifted into his human form so he could have arms to push Olivia away. “Stop making me look in your mouth, it’s gross.”

“So is asking to eat my tooth.” With that, Olivia ran up the stairs.


End file.
